Snappy Shorts
by x.X.Bex.X.x
Summary: A small collection of short stories about various Narnian characters. Voila.
1. Mr Tumnus Meets A Fan: Director's Cut

**Hello. This is a random, cute little story that I wrote because I think Mr. Tumnus is a random, cute little faun. Bon Apetite!**

Mr. Tumnus Meets A Fan: The Director's Cut

It was winter in Narnia, though, not like the winters during the reign of the White Witch. This time, it was a pleasant winter, that would shortly be heading into a cheerful Christmas. The faun Tumnus was hurrying home to his cave with several parcels in his arms when something moving in the wood caught his eye.

"Who is there?" he called into the wintery atmostphere. He received no reply so he continued scurrying on his way. However, he saw another movement. "Please show yourself," he said. Presently, the gentle pounding of cloven hoofs rang in his twitching ears. He looked into the snowy trees to see a faun coming toward him. "Hello," he said to the other faun.

"Hello," was the reply. The faun was female, and the prettiest faun Tumnus had ever seen. Her hair and fur was silky smooth and shone in the crisp sunlight. She had rosy cheeks and curly golden hair, and gentle blue eyes. She wore a pretty faun gown made of the airiest of fabrics, and carried an umbrella over her right arm.

"I'm Tumnus," he said, and extended his hand to her just the way Lucy had shown him. She looked at his hand sceptically, so he said, "You shake it."

She cocked her head and asked, "Why?"

Laughing, Tumnus replied, "I don't know." She smiled back at him and shook his outstretched hand.

"I'm Loraly," she introduced herself. "You are really the faun Tumnus then?"

"Yes, you have heard of me?"

"Of course! You are the great faun that befriended and saved Queen Lucy the Valiant. Everyone has heard of you!" Her blue eyes sparkled with intrigue. Clearly, she was in awe that she was in the presence of the Mr. Tumnus that Queen Lucy always speaks so fondly of.

Tumnus smiled. "Would you care to join me for a cup of tea Loraly?"

"I would love to, Mr. Tumnus," she replied. Faun Tumnus offered her his arm, and they walked through the powdery snow to his cozy little cave for a spot of tea.

ALTERNATE ENDING:  


Tumnus smiled. "Would you care to join me for a cup of tea Loraly?"

"I would love to, Mr. Tumnus," she replied. Faun Tumnus offered her his arms, and they walked through the powdery snow to his cozy little cave for a spot of tea.

However, just before entering the cave, a safe fell of Tumnus' head. Loraly shrugged, grabbed his wallet and ran off into the wood to spend his money on Turkish Delight and perfume.

DIRECTOR'S NOTE:

I chose not to put this scene in the final cut of the story because I felt that it was just a little too dramatic. People would feel angry afterward and I realized that nobody really wants to see Mr. TUmnus die.

BLOOPER:

"I'm Loraly," she introduced herself. "You are really the faun Tumnus then?"

"Yes, you have heard of me?"

"Of course! You are the great faun that befriended and saved Queen Lucy the Vacant. Oops! Ha ha ha."

"Ha, nice Loraly, calling our Queen 'vacant'."

"CUT!"


	2. Peter Becomes A Heartthrob

Snappy Shorts!

**Allo. Here is the second installment of the now titled, Snappy Shorts. Enjoy, and review... (ah yes, and please excuse spelling errors because i don't have spell check for some reason!)**

Peter Becomes A Heartthrob

Peter, the High King of Narnia, was out taking a walk near Lantern Waste one sunny afternoon. He whistling an old tune that he once heard on the radio back in England. His hands were swinging casually at his sides, and his hair was tousled by the gentle breeze.

As he walked along, he soon heard a thunderous beating of feet upon the ground. He turned around and his clear blue eyes caught sight of a heard of young ladies charging toward him. With a gasp, he took off running down a hill. He weaved his eay expertly through the numerous trees, until he found a cave to hide in. Peter held his breath, and stayed as perfectly motionless as he could. The heard of girls sat just around the corner from the cave, wondering where he went. Keeping as quiet as possible, he listened to their banter.

"Where did he go?" one girl, a redhead, asked.

"I'm not sure," replied a young blonde faun. "He did come this way didn't he?"

"Of course he did you twit," snapped a fiery raven-haired tree nymph. "We wouldn't have ran this way if he hadn't."

"Reena," said a timid blonde faun said, "you shouldn't be so hard on Lily. She didn't mean anything by it, and was only making sure."

Reena glared at the blonde faun and then kept her mouth shut for a moment. "Well," she said after a time, "I suppose we aren't going to find him by sitting around. Perhaps we might try Lantern Waste again? You know, the path that leads to Cair Paravel."

"Oh course," said the redhead. "Let's go. I can't wait to meet him! I've had a crush on King Peter ever since the coronation."

"Me too!" shouted a smaller redhead. "He is so utterly dreamy!" All the girls sighed in unison, which made Peter gag.

"Come on," commanded Reena, "Let's get on our way then!" The girls, who were all giggling, got up and trotted off to Lantern Waste.

Peter waited until he was sure the coast was clear, and then crawled out of the cave. He straightened his clothes, and then began to make his way to Cair Paravel. As he passed by the place where the gaggle of girls had been sitting, he noticed a piece of paper sitting on a rock. He picked it up and saw that it was a detailed drawing of him, with lip marks all around the head and on the lips. He shuddered, dropped it, and then made a dash for his shoreside castle.

Once there, he ran to find a hiding place, for on his way he had heard the stampede of a hundred females chasing after him. He ran through the halls until he found a secret closet. He climbed in and sat down in the farthest right hand corner.

"Peter?" whispered a voice.

"Ed?" Peter whispered back. "What are you doing here?"

"I was being chased by girls," he answered. "You?"

"I was chased by girls too. Man, this King stuff is getting hard to deal with."

"You said it, brother,"


	3. Edmund Finally Gets a Room Made of

Snappy Shorts!

**Alrighty, so here is the third installment. I think it's a little shorter, so please forgive me. R&R!**

Edmund Finally Gets a Room Made of, and Containing Turkish Delight

Edmund Pevensie, King of Narnia (though, not the High King), was sauntering down one of the many halls of Cair Paravel. They had only been in Narnia for about two months, and still he hadn't seen all of his castly. Today, he was wandering around and opening all the doors.

So far he had found:  
knife room  
dagger room  
sword room  
spear room  
pointy object room  
clothes room ("Clothes room," he said to himself. "Oh wait, I guess that would be a closet. Heh.")music room  
aligator room  
ping pong room

Then, he came upon a room that he never knew could exist. A room so amazingly fantastic that he had to slap himself several times to be sure he wasn't dreaming. A room that was truly a paradise on earth.

"Ohhhh," he drooled when he stepped in for this room was made entirely out of Turkish Delight. The table and chairs were made out of Turkish Delight. The shag carpet was made out of Turkish Delight. The ceiling fan was made out of Turkish Delight, and the Turkish Delight was made out of Turkish Delight. Edmund wiped the drool from his chin and then sat down gingerly on one of the Turkish Delight chairs.

"Wow," he said. The room oozed with the sweet and delightful scent of Turkish Delight and Edmund soon found himself floating on a soft puffy cloud through the magical room of Turkish Delight. He rolled around, getting covered in the white powder and all gooey from the insides. Shortly after, he just laid there in a pile of goo and inhaled. This was how Lucy found him.

"Edmund!" she gasped. "What are you doing?"

Edmund snapped out of his dreamy state and looked at Lucy. "Uh...nothing."

Lucy cocked her head and gave him a look. "Edmund, do you realize that you are covered in Turkish Delight and are hyperventilating?"

Edmund held his breath for a moment and said, "No I'm not."

"Edmund if you're going to lie, which you shouldn't, then you should at least get rid of the evidence!" Now Lucy was laughing at him. He glanced down at his clothes and realized that there was no way he could lie about this.

"Oh...well," he replied, "Care to join me?"

"I'd love to," she answered and then brother and sister rolled about in the Turkish Delight for the rest of the day.


	4. The Beavers Have A Clark Gable Moment

Snappy Shorts!

**Hullo! Here's another Snappy Short. It's not as good as the others, but the end is great (in my opinion). The whole reason that I wrote this story was so that I could put in the last line. R&R PLEASE:)**

The Beavers Have A Clark Gable Moment

It was a rainy Tuesday morning and the Beavers already busy as, well, beavers. (Oh and am just too much! Stop me!) Mrs. Beaver was busy patching a quilt, and Mr. Beaver was out hunting some fish for lunch. Twasn't long before Mr. Beaver came inside with his catches of the day.

"Hello Mrs. Beaver," he said, smacking the mud off of his tail onto the door mat.

"Hello yourself Mr. Beaver," was her reply. She was hunched over her prized sewing machine, something that was not uncommon for her, and couldn't really be bothered with pleasantries. She pushed her spectacles up her nose and continued on with her work for several more minutes. When finally she was finished, she took her spectacles off and asked her husband, "Did you catch much this morning?"

"No love," he replied, "just this bit." He plopped three dead (and dinky) fish onto the dining room table. They reeked and had little bulgy unattractive eyes that seemed to stare at Mrs. Beaver in a freaky manner.

"Beaver! You get those filthy fishies off my lace table cloth right now!" she shouted angrily.

"They aren't filthy, Mrs. Beaver," said Mr. Beaver, "they just happen to be smaller and a little dirtier than usual, which is nothing to yell about."

"Nothing to yell about? They are staining and stinkin' up my table cloth!" And with that, she grabbed a dustpan and in one over-exaggerated movement, swiped the filthy fishies off the table and onto the floor.

"Mrs. Beaver!" gasped Mr. Beaver. "How could you!" He placed his little beaver hand upon his little beaver heart.

"I'm sorry my dear," said Mrs. Beaver, "but I told you that I don't want those filthy fishies on my table!"

Mr. Beaver was angry. How dare she offend him by throwing the meal he caught with his own two hands on the dirty floor! He grabbed his hat and the fish and began to head out the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Mrs. Beaver.

"Out. I'm not sure when I'll be back."

"Mr. Beaver, if you walk out that door you won't get a decent warm meal for a month after you come back...I'm serious!" She glared at him.

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a dam," he said, and shut the door behind him.

**Did you get it? Huh? Huh? LOL! It cracks me up every time.**


	5. Peter's Babies

Peter's Babies

Sometimes I like to close my eyes and dream a little dream  
A dream of fauns and birds and bears, who're smarter than they seem  
And in my dreams there is a king with hair a golden hue  
And when I gaze upon his face I'm met with eyes of blue  
We walk the halls of Cair Paravel and meet beneath our tree  
And when he pulls me to his chest my future I can see  
Our wedding day all bright and gay with streamers flowers and love  
Peter kissing my shining face as trumpets play above  
Several years will pass with bliss and peace and hugs and joy  
And before I have the time to blink I've born a precious boy  
Peter's heart is full of merriment and I'm ecstatic too  
When a little girl is born as well, our baby number two  
Peter's babies are painfully cute with sandy, shiny hair  
I gaze at them in their cradle beds and lavish them with care  
Unfortunately i must wake up from this lovely little dream  
Where Peter is my husband dear, and I his pretty queen  
I'm content right now to only imagine a world where this is true  
Where I'm the mother of Peter's babies and in my Narnia too.

**A/N: Well...I certainly haven't updated anything in my fanfiction life in years, probably! Anyways, here's the story behind this poem: My best friend and I are in love with everything Narnia, and last night before saying good night I told her to dream of Narnia. She said she would, and that she would dream of Peter's babies. And so, to give her a laugh when she next signs into Facebook to read her messages, she will get the surprise that is this corny little poem. **


End file.
